Old Hippie

BE. It's not what you think! In this case, BE, means Barium Enema! And it's not at all a fun experience.

During my annual blood, urine and stool tests this year the lab found blood in my stool. I don't know what causes that, there could be many reasons. But once this discovery is made, you can be sure it's going to mean further tests to get more specific information to determine if it means anything that will require further action and more tests or treatment.

I know this is a part of the body growing older and beginning to wear out. It's old age encroaching on every aspect of your life. It sucks! Bill Clinton recently turned 60 and his comment was, "I'm 60 and I hate it!" I can sympathize with his feelings. After all, in the past 2 years I have had a cat scan, an ultrasound, an MRI, sinus surgery to remove polyps and now this.

My doctor told me I had two alternatives to get further information about the blood in my stool. One way was very invasive and expensive and included being put under to have a scope inserted and threaded through my colon, a colonoscopy. The other way is less invasive and cheaper but required me to be awake to participate in the exploration.

Having recently heard horror stories about routine colonoscopy that went terribly wrong, I opted for the enema. How bad can it be, I thought? Shoot some barium in my rectum and take some pictures and I'm done. HA!

Both procedures require the same preparation before the test which means a complete cleaning out of the intestines so a good, close look can be had at the insides of the colon, in this case, the lower intestines. So I spent the day before the test drinking lots of fluids, drinking broth and boullion(sic), drinking some "professional cleaning-out fluid", which tastes nasty, taking some pills to loosen the bowels and a self-enema to top off the evening. And lots and lots of trips to the bathroom all day long.

I arrived at AGH Radiology department on Friday morning and donned my gown and lay on the table all ready for the procedure. A cute, young nurse told me I'd feel some discomfort and gaseousness but they would work quickly to minimize it. Then she told me she was going to insert the tip into my rectum and to please just relax. HAHAHA! Right!

Then she gave me a surprise. Once the tip finally made its way into my rectum, this cute, young nurse told me she was going to expand the bulb inside so that the tip of the enema tube would stay in place. Huh? They are going to close up my butt and leave that thing in there? Yikes. It was all I could do to keep from screaming but I gritted my teeth and proceeded to "get used" to having this thing sticking into my butt. My oh my.

Once the technician, another cute, young lady, was ready, they loosened the clip on the barium bag and it started flowing into my colon. Now there's a feeling. Warm, gooey barium flowing into your intestines. There was a monitor above my head and I could watch, fascinated, as the barium filled up the colon. At least this was a nice distraction to keep my mind off the fact that I had a tube in my butt. The lady tech told me I had a pretty colon. Said she bet no one had ever said that to me before. All of us laughed.

Then it was turn on your left side, lay on your back, turn onto your right side, turn onto your stomach, lay on your back. You get the drift. All the while the tube is sticking out of me. Once the barium pictures were finished, they let it drain out but the tube remained in place. Then came the really fun part, not.

There is ball on the outside of the tube that, when pushed, forces air into the colon. They do this to expand the colon so that they can get a good look at all parts of the inside. I get that. Let me just say that whenever the nurse squeezed that ball and air shot into my colon, it felt exactly like a fart in reverse. And it really is exactly that.

The air goes in but it can't come back out because, remember, my butt's plugged. So I can feel the achiness of a fart after the air is shot in and an extreme urge to let it back out but it only travels further along the intestines and the ache slowly dissipates. A fart in reverse. Very interesting and unpleasant.

Once all the picture taking is complete, they make you lay on your stomach until they verify that the pictures are OK before they remove the plug. When the plug comes out, I can feel sticky stuff excreting from my body and I am a shade embarrassed, because it feels like I just took a shit. It really is the barium coming out, because, after all, I cleaned myself out completely the day before so what else is there inside of me but what they just put in there.

Then I got off the table and walked to the bathroom to take off the gown and put on my clothes. Barium everywhere! Barium dripping onto the floor. Barium all over my genitals and my butt and dripping down my legs. Not a wonderful feeling. Also, barium dries quickly and turns into a chalky substance. Yuck. My stool was extremely gassy and white. The gasiness went away quickly but the white stayed around for two days.

It's been one week since I had the BE, and I had the upper GI test yesterday, drinking lots of barium, but it wasn't so bad, and I must say I have felt absolutely wonderful the entire week. I have no pain in my stomach like I often feel. My stool is of perfect color, texture and quality. I often rate my stool and I always look at it, so I know what I'm saying here. Besides that, I have a healthy appetite and increased energy and I am sleeping well.

I don't know if the BE is helping me to feel better, I doubt it. But perhaps the cleansing of the bowels has something to do with it. Maybe my increased attention to yoga and meditation is helping, too. I really don't know. I only know that I have felt great this past week.

I don't know that I would recommend anyone to take the BE route as opposed to the colonoscopy route, but I think it had a positive effect on me. Remebering the discomfort, I was reamed, OK, if I ever have to have this procedure done again, I may opt for the colonoscopy next time. It's hard to get over that initial feeling of the dreaded tip being inserted where it shouldn't be inserted. I could never be gay!!!

One tenet of yoga and meditation that I have tried to abide by but haven't always been very successful is to BE HERE NOW. BE takes on a whole new meaning for me these days.

OH